I Just Realized
May. 29th, 2022 07:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
firewins So a lot of people love Binaural audio or 8D music (including a few of my friends) and in general it seems to be something the neurodivergent people find nice stimmy.
However I absolutely hate it. It make me feel weirdly anxious in a way i could never really place. I find the concept fun and when I was younger I used to enjoy it, so I could never really explain why i hate it now.
But I just realized why it upsets me to listen to it!
Over the years I'm intermittently lost hearing in one of my ears (mostly due to simple stuff like an ear infection or wax buildup) but whenever it's happened I've gone through like a day or two of irrational paranoia that it was going to be permanent.
The most recent time it happened was during my birthday, and since I went on a weekend trip with my friends I couldn't go to the hospital for a few days.
Meaning I spent about 5 or 6 days freaking out that I was going to permanently lose hearing in that ear (I have really bad anxiety about having medical problems that might impact my life in the long term)
So now when i listen to binaural audio it subconsciously reminds me of that experience!
However I absolutely hate it. It make me feel weirdly anxious in a way i could never really place. I find the concept fun and when I was younger I used to enjoy it, so I could never really explain why i hate it now.
But I just realized why it upsets me to listen to it!
Over the years I'm intermittently lost hearing in one of my ears (mostly due to simple stuff like an ear infection or wax buildup) but whenever it's happened I've gone through like a day or two of irrational paranoia that it was going to be permanent.
The most recent time it happened was during my birthday, and since I went on a weekend trip with my friends I couldn't go to the hospital for a few days.
Meaning I spent about 5 or 6 days freaking out that I was going to permanently lose hearing in that ear (I have really bad anxiety about having medical problems that might impact my life in the long term)
So now when i listen to binaural audio it subconsciously reminds me of that experience!
